
Student: “Can I track my spiritual progress on an app?”
Guru: “Yes. It’s called… SILENCE.”
Student: “Does it have notifications?”
Guru: “Only inner ones.
Teacher: “The hardest asana is not headstand.”
Student: “Then what is it?”
Teacher: “Sitting quietly… while the mosquito lands on your nose.”
Student: “How do I connect with the universe?”
Guru: “Close your eyes, sit still, and breathe.”
Student: “So… basically free Wi-Fi?”
Student: “Guruji, today I can’t stay for OM chanting, I have a Zoom meeting.”
Guru: “Child… Zoom with the boss lasts an hour, OM with the cosmos is eternal.”
Some say enlightenment is the union of self with the universe.
I say enlightenment is finding parking right outside the yoga studio.
Teacher: “Savasana is the pose of deep awareness.”
(Everyone lying still… one student starts snoring)
Teacher: “Except for you… you’ve achieved enlightenment in dreamland.”
Guru: “Disconnect from the outside world.”
Student (switches phone to airplane mode): “Done!”
"My chakras are aligned, but I still need coffee to talk to humans."